Thoughts from the Summer Cabin

Well, AGF and I just came back from a weekend at out friend's cabin on the Bird River, near Lac du Bonnet. Cabin time is always different from "real" time, and usually much better. I have a ritual I like to perform at the start of these weekends. Once I pass the perimeter highway around the city, the watch comes off my wrist, and doesn't return until I am back within the perimeter. The result is a wonderful disorientation where I really have no idea "when" I am, outside of "when, in relation to when I last ate/ had a beer". This freedom of mind (aided, perhaps, by liberal dousings with recreational beverage) seems to lead to some wonderful spontaneous bursts of creativity. Here's what resulted this time:

1-The Best Video Game Ever. My friend's son was at the cabin, playing FIFA soccer on his X-Box for mutch of the weekend. After Canada won the World Cup (only on a video game!!) he switched to one of those first-person shooter games, where you see the barrel of the gun sticking out in the middle of the screen.

A much BETTER idea is to have a first-person doggie game. Instead of the gun, you see the nose of the pooch you are playing. The goal is to tip garbage cans, sniff crotches and vacuum up foodstuffs dropped on the floor. You have to avoid getting your nose scratched by cats, getting your hair clipped or wearing one of those plastic "lamp shade" collars. You ultimately win the game by sniffing the crotch of a member of the Royal family. Patent Pending.

2-An "app" for guys. "Cut the lawn". The goal is to cut your virtual lawn. This could be followed by "apps" like "trim the hedge", "paint the baseboards" and "get another beer from the fridge".

3-Horse-fly/ Black-fly collars. Much the the afore-mentioend plastic "doggie collars", cabineers can wear a repellant-doused plastic collar around their necks as they float in the lake/ river, to deter those annoying pests from buzzing your head. You could also fill the cone with recreational beverage. The added attraction is how appealing this will make thee wearer to the opposite sex. If you have a souse/ significant other, the answer is, of course, absolutely none.

There you have it. take off your watch and give it a try some time. Just remember, I OWN the doggie-game idea.

Better Than Awesome-hiking!

Hey, it's September! What better time to take directionless hikes through the woods, getting "in touch" with a nature that humanity has spent 11,000 years trying to avoid? Attached is a photo I just took today in Bird's Hill Park, which is a little north of Winnipeg, Manitoba. This particular view is along something called the "chickadee trail" (other choices were the "cedar bog" trail... "tell your kids you love them....drag them through a bog-today!" the "lime kiln" trail, and the "Bridle-path" trail). I have to admit I'd be hard-pressed to point out a "chickadee" in a police line-up, but the walk was rejuvenating (i.e., it left me wondering how I could get cramps in parts of my legs I didn't even know existed).However, I have no regrets. it was a great way to spend an afternoon, and I didn't have to feel guilty looking out at the lawn work that was being avoided.

So why not turn off the computer (after you read and responded to my other posts, of course....I'm trying to attract a sponsor), get out of the house and find a park to gambol through!

Better Than Awesome....Cranberries??

First of all, let me make it clear that I'm not using this particular blog to gloat about my own children, my friends' children, or any children I may have randomly come in contact with in my life. What I would like to do is point out a couple of pictures that easily fall into the category of "Better than Awesome".

Recently, my girlfriend and I had the opportunity to travel through Wisconsin (if you've read the previous posts, then you're already aware of that 'Better than Awesome" restaurant, the "Safe House"). Wisconsin in a marvelous state, full of beautiful lakes, forests, cheese factories and the greatest concentration of "big box" porn stores I've ever seen. I'm not one to frequent that type of establishment, but I admit we were sorely tempted to buy something, anything, to get a shopping bag that I could carry my lunch in to work ("what d'you have there, Bob's Boobie Barn??") Anyway, in our meanderings (if you look up the origin of the word "meander", you'll find it's a form of decoration on ancient Greek pottery. Drop THAT at your next cocktail party)

Anyway, in our travels we passed a sign advertising a place called the "Cranberry Discovery Center" (check out it's ultra-cool web site: www.discovercranberries.com). What is there to discover about Cranberries, you may ask? Did you know that Cranberries bounce when they're fresh (yes, just like some interns on Capitol Hill)? Did you know that Cranberry alarms will sound if the berries are in danger from ill temperature or, I imagine, a lack of vodka? The Cranberry Discovery Center has that, and a lot more!

What made the CDC (as no-one particularly calls it) "better than awesome", was it's collection of drawings that some local grade 4 kids drew, the best two I've reproduced at the top of the page. Our personal favorite is the "American Gothic" cranberries. Their expressions seem to say "help! we're supposed to take care of this farm, but we're just freakishly large Cranberries! I don't even know how this pitchfork got propped against the side of my body! Who's going to soudn the alarm?"

The other one, Elvis Cranberry, just doesn't need any explanation. Elvis, as any Renaissance person can tell you, can make anything cool. However, mixing the motifs of "the King" and "the Berry", was a stroke of genius from some plucky Grade 4 student in Wisconsin.

So here's to the highly creative, slightly demented school children of Wisconsin!! Easily....Better Than Awesome!!