Sunday, December 18, 2011
Ok, this has been floating around the internet for some time now..the prospect that Hasbro will produce a movie based on it's 1980's line of toys and cartoon, Jem and the Holograms. And it's about time! Jem is so thoroughly 80's, so cloyingly "girly", and so deserving of a re-boot that it's producers only have to "not fail" to make this a huge hit. "Jem", of course, was actually Jerrica Benton, owner of "Starlight Music" and "Starlight House", a foster home for girls who never stopped dressing like it was the 80's. Jerrica transforms herself into the pink-mopped glamour-puss Jem by touching her pointy earrings and saying "showtime, Synergy", which is the cue for a sophisticated computer program (thoughtfully also named Synergy) to encase Jerrica in the hologram image of the titular diva.
Backed by her band The Holograms, Jem & her plucky gal-pals sing, dance and foil the plots of their evil rival Eric Raymond and his band of anti-Holograms called "The Misfits". The Misfits are three rude gals fronted by lead-bully "Pizzazz", who, though accurately boasting in the show's title song that "our songs are better", never seem to defeat Jem despite their outpouring of nasty tricks. Jem is also caught in a weird love triangle with the band's manager/roadie, the pouty, purple-haired "Rio", who breathlessly pursues both Jerrica and Jem...who is Jerrica....but she won't tell him....because....um....yeah. Add to this mix music-video performances by both The Holograms and The Misfits (which, for the Holograms included rainbows, unicorns, stars, pegasuses and estrogen, and for the Misfits; footballs, giantism and littering) made Jem & The Holograms easily the most "truly outrageous" plastic fashion doll endorsement ever conceived!!
Now for the movie! I'm not sure when or if this thing will ever get produced, but here's the suggestions by AGF (awesome girl-friend) and myself. See if you agree.
Jem: Taylor Swift. Who could be better? Taylor Swift is already pretty-much a living, singing plastic fashion doll. All she needs are those ninja-star earrings and she's got it made!
Pizzazz: Lady Gaga. Others have suggested this and we agree it's the best casting ever! Pizzazz is angular, talented and totaly lacking in conventional fashion-sense, just like Lady Gaga!! Think of how awesome the soundtrack album would be with her contribution. But that's not all...how about:
Synergy: Katy Perry. Another "truly outrageous" fashionista, Katy Perry would be the perfect model for the near-omnipotent, sentient computer program. She could even sing "pre-teenage Dream" for the soundtrack.
Eric Raymond: Neal Patrick Harris. What can we say? NPH looks great in a three-piece suit, and is able to reek arrogance as evidenced by his role in How I Met Your Mother. Actually, we think NPH should take the lead in developing this project!!
Rio Pacheco: Robert Pattinson. Already used to producing a vacant and breathless character in the Twilight series, Pattinson whuold just have to roll up his sleeves and dye his hair purple, and you have the perfect dazed and longing Rio.
The Holograms/ The Misfits: cast members from Glee/ American Idol. With all the star-power in the casting listed above, we feel the bands should not be populated with too many big names, and since these folks are already used to starring in teen-angst soap-operas, we feel they would easily fit in as band members.
So there you have it! The best cast ever for the Jem & The Holograms movie. Neal Patrick Harris...are you listening to this??? It's up to you now!