Do you work with Sims???

I've just decided. I must work with Sims.

As most people know by now, "The Sims" is a very popular computer game franchise that allows the player to create and control any number of little simulated people. The player can select how they look and dress from a variety of heads and bodies, buy and furnish houses for them, get them jobs, dates, pets, children, and basically live out an entire "Sim" life based on the player's whims.

I've decided I must be working with Sims for the following reasons:

1-my boss has Betty Brant's hair. If anyone remembers the old Spiderman cartoon from decades ago (yes the one with the coolest theme ever, the one that assures us that Spidey can indeed, "do whatever a spider can". Welcome? Fame? Nope....he is, naturally, ignored, his only reward being "action".....and plenty of it). Anyway, that was a pretty long aside, The point is, Betty Brant, the secretary of the distrurbingly Hitler-esque J. Jonah Jamieson, had a strange helmet of a hair-do with evenly-spaced bangs in the front, and a little flippy lip around the shoulders. My boss, a youngish male, has the very same hair-do. Betty Brant hair on a young male body. Would anyone else other than a Sim combine these attributes on purpose??

2-outrageous conversation. In The Sims, the characters "converse" in a strange set of heiroglyphics that seem to indicate they are talking about cars, planes, desks buildings with columns and other assorted images. The conversations never seem to make much sense, other than the fact that some Sims appear to enjoy talking about cars, the sun, etc., and others register their displeasure by repeating the glyph with a little red X through it. Our Sim conversation this week came from one of our Big bosses, who gave us a "state of the company" address, which was so laden with unknown acronyms he could have been talking in some sort of lost mutant groundhog tongue. All I know is that some charts showed red lines going up, and others showed them going down. Sims communicating in their own Sim language??

3-the ultimate proof: irrational behavior. In The Sims, the characters can be occasionally confused if, say, their access throug a doorway is blocked by something; a Sim cat, Sim person or a Sim garbage can. Sims usually react by pointing at the offending object, shrugging their Sim shoulders and shaking their heads as if to say "Wha?". The Sims can get so perplexed by their little problem that it's possible for a character to "starve to death" just standing around waiting for the blockage to resolve itself. Today one of the bosses was told that a worker's telephone didn't work; it was emitting a loud buzzing sound making it impossible to converse with anyone (whish was the employee's job). The boss advised that a replacement phone be installed, and was informed that it was tried with no success-there must be something wrong with the telephone line. The bosses decision: well there's no place else for them to sit, so the employee will just have to sit there and try to do their job on a phone that didn't work!!!.

Keep an eye out for Sims in YOUR workplace. It's fun and educational-and they're easy to lock in closets!!

WOW...visible people!!

We (being AGF and I) have just returned from our favorite second-hand store with armloads of goodies, including, for myself, entire Visible Man and Visible Woman model kits, with instructions....all for only $7.99!!! (they came in the lid of a Visible Man box-maybe not collector-worthy, but still cool to me!).

For those who don't remember, the "Visible Man" and "Visible Woman" were educational plastic model kits put out by a company called "Renwal" of Mineola, New York in the 1960's and early 70's. They were 1/5th scale representations of the human body, showing skeletal structure, organs and representations of the nervous system, and they looked like the creepy models you always stared at in your doctor's office as a kid (either that or you stared at those weird calendars portraying industrious little bug/human hybrid communities involved in a variety of smurf-like activities....anyone remember what those things were called??). The Visible Man and Woman were really detailed kits, allowing the builder to assemble a human torso from bones on up. The body was clear plastic, and there was a large chest cavity allowing the builder to poke around and explore the arrangement of organs, or pretend to build a Frankenstein monster, whatever floated your boat.

The Visible Woman, though an intriguing concept to pre-pubescent males of the time, actually including a perfectly-scaled fetus and infant, which would have made a terrific educational tool for parents giving their kids the "birds and bees" talk. The kits could be built as-is or painted in realistic colours, which were suggested in the instructions (apparently the upper surface of the Transverse Colon is "greenish-pink" while the Rectum is "brownish-pink". Try to find THOSE colours from Testors!!)

I've posted scans of the first pages of the instructions, and I'd be happy to make and send details scans if any collectors wanted copies for their own use. Just respond here with an e-mail addres you'd like it sent to. No viruses included, promise!!

Anyway, finding these old model kits at a bargain proce was Better Than Awesome, especially when one of the ladies said they have collectors price their vintage items, then price them lower than suggested retail!!!! AGF was able to pick of some coolio doll dresses and shoes, as well as a couple of books. Bargain stores..always BETTER THAN AWESOME!!!

Monster Bash 2009-WAY better than awesome!!

I just returned from Monster Bash, the classic horror and science fiction movie convention held each year in Butler Pennsylvania (or was it Butler, Transylvania? The puns were pretty hot and heavy!)

Just like the last two years, Monster Bash was better than awesome. This year the theme was "Frankenstein" (yeah kind of like a Rose Bowl theme being "happiness" or "the world of friendship", there's SO much you can do with it!). We had endless Frankie movies, Frankie impersonators walking (or maybe stalking) around, and actors with various ties to theme of "Frankenstein" (e.g. Gary Conway, who played the "Teenage Frankenstein" in the movie of the same name was there!).

On amore serious note, Lou Ferrigno, who played the Hulk on TV was also a guest. On the first day of the convention the world learned that Michael Jackson had died. Lou was working as a trainer for Michael, which meant the Bash was probably pretty stressful for him. Despite that, and some reporters who were spotted lurking in the hallways (hey, who are the REAL ghouls here??)Lou stayed the whole weekend to greet his fans. As far as I know, the monster kids all respected his privacy and didn't ask him about Michael Jackson. Bash looks after Bash.

Most monster fans love the A & C movie "Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein", so they showed that (drive -in movie style, outside in the parking lot), as well as having a pair of the greatest Abbott and Costello impersonators I've ever seen, AND Lou Costello's daughter, Chris Costello, with some of her family's old home movies. Toss in celeb's like Ricou Browning, the original Creaure from the Black Lagoon (underwater version-the land Creature was played by Ben Chapman, who just passed away last year), a great dealer's room, and hundreds of Bash-hungry monster kids and you have this man's version of heaven-on-Earth.

Some personal highlights: I met more fellow Bashers this year than in my previous two Bashes. One was a gent named Bill who I met at the Drive-in A & C night. He's an older gentleman who was sitting on a walker, waiting for the show. I had a rent-a-car, and was alone, so I invited him to take a seat in the car. To make a long story short, we became best buds. he asked me all about Canada's health-care system, and what he was hearing on his local news (much of it bad). He turned out to be a CFL fan, so we talked Canadian Football long past the point I thought he would get bored. On Sunday night, after the Bash was over for the year, we sat in the hotel pub and yakked 'till they kicked us out. Here's to Bill-see you next year bud!

Here's also to Ken & Michelle-they're a couple who needed a ride to the Pittsburgh airport, or were facing a $100.00+ cab fare! I was able to give them a ride and we laughed and talked the hour away. Needless to say, I hope to see you guys there again next year as well.

Monster Bash celebrates the classic monster movies we loved so much as kids. Moreso, however, it celebrates the fact that, as adults, we love the fact that we're able to get together with other "monster kids" to share our passion for these classic old films and characters. It may be advertised as a movie convention, but it's really a giant-sized green-skinned love-in with bolts in it's neck! Better Than Awesome.

I want to ride my bi-CYCLE...

This weekend AGF's parent's were in town to celebrate AGF's birthday. which was on Friday (happy birthday baby!!). We had the chance to get together, eat multiple high-calorie meals, and most of all, cruise yard sales in their time here. AGF was able to snag a nice set of glasses (drinking, not viewing) and a piece of fabric which now serves as a curtain in her bedroom. AGF's mom was able to get some fabric and a blue-and-white Delft saucer for only .50 cents. AGF's dad viewed the enterprise with his traditional wit and the occasional "hah".

Now to give a bit of background, I have been keeping an eye out for a really good second-hand bicycle for a while now, in an attempt to increase my level of physical fitness and stay alive as long as possible to hang out with AGF. I've occasionally haunted the local Value Village and Sally Ann stores, but never quite found something I would feel good about buying. This weekend, however, we found the garage sale of my dreams!

I was ablt to pick up, for what seemed to be the good proce of $50.00, an almost-new 12-speed bike. It has the brand name "McInley", for whatever that means. All I know is I finally have a bike after a gap of at least 30 years!.

Today I took my first bike ride down a residential street that is closed to vehicle traffic on Sundays. I have to say, my first ride alone was worth the $50.00 I spent on the bike! This has been a late spring, so the lilac bushes are still in full bloom. Racing down the street (well, pedalling slowly, but to me it was racing), smelling newly cut grass and lilacs, and feeling the sun on my back, made me a kid again. Notice, I didn't say I felt like a kid...I honestly thought to myself, "I am a kid again!"

To anyone who has considered getting a bike and starting to pedal around again, I say, don't wait a minute longer! As I write this it is just after 10:30 at night. The sun has just gone down a short while ago, and I'm feeling muscles in my thighs I forgot were there. Also, the area of my physicality colloquially known as my "ass" appears to be protesting each time I pass by the seat of the bicycle, which is currently resting in my first-floor hallway (the bicycle, not my "bum"). Nevertheless, I don't regret a minute of it. My "ass", scientifically known as my gluteals, has a week before the next Sunday ride; plenty of time to forget what I put it through today. Besides, I've spent years watching out for it, covering it, avoiding kickers, kissers and breakers. The least it can do is make peace with Mr. Saddle. Perhaps a long soak will help....

Ruminations in a bead store

Weekends with AGF (awesome girl friend) are often gloriously spent hanging out on the sofa, watching movies, reading books or playing The Sims. As a treat, we occasionally leave the house and make an expedition to either an uber-cool second hand store at the top of my street (the "Helping Hand", where I recently purchased an awesome crock pot for $8.00!!) or to a craft store so AGF can resupply her hobby/obsession....beading.

I never knew much about the beading universe before AGF started her hobby, but now I think I am at least passingly conversant. Mention "swarofski" or "jump rings", and I no longer have an expression like a confused dachshund pondering a rubber pork chop. I have to admit, while I am impressed by the variety of shapes, colours and sizes of beads available in these stores, watching AGF coo over the latest bead discovery has become one of the greatest joys in my life, and is a major motivator to join her on these expeditions.

One store we frequent here in town is an out-of-the-way store located in a somewhat industrial area on the edge of downtown. The store is a one-storey brick affair, with no discernable windows and just a small square sign indicating it's actually a business. Now while many stores try to be either "craft" or "hobby" stores, this place is seriously about beads, and all things beading. It seems to service the traditional aboriginal market, as they sell items like tinkling cones, feathers, leather, etc. common to native ceremonial costumes. Needless to say, their bead selection is dizzying, and it's proprietors are frighteningly knowledgable about beading.

To add to the fun, each trip ends up becoming a mind-warping experience, thanks to the fanciful ruminations of one of it's owners. There's a man and a woman who work at and seem to own the store. Inevitabley, while the woman serves AGF in her shopping, the man seems to have decided I am some sort of kindred spirit, and starts talking at me about the strangest things. Topics he has soliliquized on include: coal mining in Manitoba; toxic spills in a river near Detroit (it melted a bridge!!), mysterious buried railroad tracks in Saskatchewan (up to 15 feet deep!), windshield washer fluid that melts windshields, the appalling lack of Chili in Regina after 6pm, and the challenges of driving trucks across rock and muskeg north of the tree line.

Bead guy also seems to take some perverse pleasure in trapping us in the snare of his conversation just as we're leaving the store. The last three times we were there, AGF and I would be literally 1 foot away from the door, when he would start another obtuse ramble about mysterious goings-on in the past, present or possibly the future. Often he wouldn't even be looking at us as he waxed poetic about the cost of heating his building or the odd disappearance of wealthy families from the city, he'd just gaze off into the distance.

Of course, while all this is going on, the woman (his spouse? partner? sister? doctor? we have no idea) take the opportunity to earn what is probably a well-deserved breather, and surf the net for more vital bead updates.

Actually, we're starting to look forward to these trips. it seems bead guy never runs out of mysteries to ponder, and so far we never run out of energy trying to understand what he is talking about.

I just noticed. The word "beading" becomes "beheading" when you add "He". Maybe I'll ask bead guy about this the next time we're in the store.

Aurora Model Kits=Better Than Awesome!!

When I was a kid (admittedly a pretty dorky one), the ultimate Saturday night was building a plastic model kit then watching the Chiller Thriller movie on Channel 12, KCND TV (all the way from North Dakota via our cutting edge roof-top antenna!!).

There were lots of plastic model makers, but in my mind and heart the greatest was a company called Aurora. Like other model makers, they had popular lines like cars, airplanes, tanks, etc., but Aurora, I felt, had two huge advantages over other model makers. First of all, they made models of all my favorite movie monsters, in both regular and "glow in the dark" versions, cleverly getting me to buy the same model two, three or even four times, depending on how many times I knocked them off the top of my dresser, or my parents threw them away out of concern for my young psyche.(The most notorious was the "guillotine" kit, which actually worked and chopped the little guy's head off. Bliss!)

For the most part, these kits were high quality, the pieces always fitting together properly, with lots of "hand candy" to add to the monster tableau you were building (for example, the Mummy had a cool plastic cobra, the Creature had a weird-looking lizard, etc.) The kits pictures were prices from $1.00 to $1.49, not too bad on a .50cent per week allowance. It wasn't just building the model of course, it was painting them! Choosing the tiny little glass bottles of Testor's model paint was as "artistic" as young boy minds got in those days. For some reason, I remember how cool it felt to clutch those little indestructive bottles, and try to predict what shade of red would most simulate the "spurting blood" effect, requisite for any self-respecting monster.

The other advantage was the fantastic box art, shown here! These are scans from our old Aurora model catalogue, more treasured than any Christmas catalogue. These beautiful covers sometimes showed exactly what the kit might look like, but occasionally taught us the meaning of the term "artistic license" (the Wolfman never looked like that box cover, but what the heck, he was the Wolfman, and I believe he had some plastic rats on his diorama!). You can't quite make out the text in this scan, but you, the model builder, are encouraged to be the "man behind the monster", painting the models with "goulish green", "gruesome gray" and "bloody reds". How could a self-respecting mondter kid refuse??

Aurora also came out with some humorous takes on the moster craze, mixing them with the "hot rod" craze of designers like the immortal Big Daddy Ed Roth. What kid wouldn't want to build the "Frankenstein Fliver" or "King Kong's Thronester"? My personal favorite, which I never had, was "Godzilla's Go Cart". MAN he looked serious!!

I don't know if you can see the goofy Vampire and Frog kits displayed at the bottom of the monster dragster page, but the captions are as follows: the lady vampire with the ironically "crossed" eyes came with a sign that said "I like to go out at night...WAY OUT", while the frog had a sign that said "Kiss me and you'll live forever". The back of the sign said "You'll be a frog, but you'll live forever!".

What kid could want anything more?? Thanks Aurora, for being...BETTER THAN AWESOME!!

BTW-of anyone wants to see other scans from my old catalogue, just respond to this, I'd love to post some more!!

Flood Wolves-Manitoba Flood 2009-what's real and unreal??

Hi Folks,

First of all, to the friends from outside Manitoba who read this blog, yes the flood situation here is serious, and no, it's not as critical as the media makes it sound!

I've been watching the local and national news, and watching the Red River, as it's only a couple of hundred feet from my house. Based on what I've been seeing on TV, I should be sandbagging myself into a frenzy, as intense news personalities wax poetically about the devastation they are witness to. The "Red Sea", as the wags like to call the flooded Red River, is inundating the province, and we are all canoeing to work. The fact of the matter is, the flood has been devastating to some communities south and north of the city of Winnipeg, and yes, some people living in diked communities actually have to boat or canoe from their homes to higher, dryer land. Within the city there have been a couple of neighborhoods on alert and busy sandbagging (including a street right by me), but for the most part most larger towns south of the city and the city itself have been protected, either by a system of dikes, or by the floodway, which diverts most of the flood water away from the city.

Of course, a news story that says "most communities safe, flood preparations have worked quite successfully" won't sell papers or have TV viewers on the edge of their seats. So instead of "majority of communities safe" we have stories like the one AGF and I saw this morning, where a talking head spoke gravely to a bloke who stayed home to man the sump pumps and canoe to work, while his family moved to the city.

While we appreciate the empathy that the news-types have shown for our little province, we couldn't help but come up with our own version of a Manitoba flood story, so here goes:

FLOOD WOLVES RAVAGE CITY

Talking head: "Breaking news from Winnipeg, Manitoba, somewhere in the western territories: brave but misguided plains-people struggle mightily against packs of dripping Flood Wolves!! Over to you Jerry!!"

Jerry: "That's right talking head!! The simple-minded but brave folk who foolishly decided to put their "city" in the middle of a flood plain are struggling naively against the barracuda of the prairies, the "Flood Wolf"! Every other year or so, as the Red River overflows it's banks in an attempt to innundate the simple, accordion-loving sod-busters of the plains, dormant Flood-Wolves awaken to quench their unending hunger for canoe paddles!"

"As the inconsequential westerners continue their never-ending struggle against "mother nature", who hates them by the way, their daily canoe-trips into the "city" of "Winnipeg" are beseiged by packs of ravenous and artistic Flood Wolves. Hungering after their canoe-paddles, the Flood-Wolves perform Esther-Williamsesque water ballets intended to confuse and arouse these hapless dimwits. Just yesterday, a "farmer" (that's someone who sticks seeds in the ground and waits for it to grow, instead of going to a store for their food like a civilized human being, talking head) was hypnotized by a pack of Flood Wolves performing a "floating star" pattern, while their comrades seized the poor "farmer's" paddles and made off with his only mode of locomotion. This "grower", as the primitive locals like to call them, drifted for days and was only rescued when his canoe drifted into the network catering truck, parked in the edge of the "dike", or pile of mud."

Talking Head: "Shocking news Jerry. I hope you didn't get too "dirty" walking to the catering truck."

As I've said, I don't want to minimize the effect that the flood has has on us. Hundreds if not thousands of hectares of farm land are under water, and a couple of thousand people have had to evacuate their homes. I just don't want us to forget the plus side: thanks to a heck of a lot of preparartion since the last major flood in 1997, we didn't have to ask for the help from the military, and most people and their property have been safe. With further work, we should be able to make most communities safe for the next time.

Except for those darn Flood Wolves.