I LOVED THAT COMMERCIAL!!

Lately I've seen a couple of TV commercials that actually impressed me with their sheer audacity and entertainment value. No, I'm not talking about that mayonaisse commercial where an obnoxious group of young pretties spasms around at a rooftop party while the announcer tries to sell you on the idea that eating that brand of mayo makes you the most daring thing since the flapper. (They're eating MAYO? ...on a SANDWICH???? why they're so radical and "in my face"! I'll abandon everything I thought I knew and start a cult in their honor)

On commercial that made an impression with me was for....wait for it...an "egg cracker"! Have you seen this? The first time I saw it I was waiting for the evidence that it was some kind of joke, but it never came. Apparently someone came up with the ultimate kitchen gadget, a device that will crack eggs "perfectly" every time. The announcer starts by reminding us of the shame we felt over the poorly cracked eggs in our past, and asks if we are "tired" of finding egg shells in our omlettes (as a woman spits them out disgustedly to prove the point) or of having to wipe up those egg spills on the stove (ain't THAT the truth). Well, with Mr. Lickedy-Split (or whatever it was called), you no longer have to live in fear of hen fruit. The offer also came with (and I'm not lying about any of this) a device to scramble your eggs while they are still INSIDE THE SHELL!!! Land o' Lakes, what a device! It looked like a little pen you jam into the bottom of the egg to swirl up the contents before using the egg craker to dispense them sanitarily into your fry pan. And you can get BOTH of these for....wait for it...."TWO EASY PAYMENTS OF TEN DOLLARS"!!!! Now realitically, the only people who would have THAT much problem with eggs either lack opposable thumbs or have tried to have their dog crack their eggs for them. For the sheet stones it takes to sell such a product, though, I LOVED THAT COMMERCIAL!

The other was for Old Spice body wash. It started with a young male model type wearing a towel and a smile as he speaks to you from a sauna. He asks the ladies watching "look at me....now look at your husband....now look at ME again.." We quickly see he is Mr. Smug humorously personified, as he tells the ladies that, while hubby may never match his uber-glam male beauty, they can SMELL like him with the Old Spice Body Wash. This commercial was REALLY well filmed, as Mr. Smug walks from the sauna onto the deck of a ship, frequently calling up examples of things that drive the women-folk mad (e.g. "two tickets to that thing you want to see") and the similar effect the body wash will have with the poor shmoe husbands out there. The point made and pitch finished, Mr. Smug ends by pointing out "I'm on a horse". After seeing this commercial for the first time I had to pause for a couple of seconds deciding if I liked it or not. As it turned out...I LOVED THAT COMMERCIAL!

Hint Hint-Really Great Links!

Since I've had all this extra spare time, I've been able to follow up on some projects I've been working on. One of them involves the creation of what I think is a pretty cool game I'm going to formally announce in the next little while. In working on that and other projects I have found some very useful sites where you can download AT NO COST, and apparently virus-free, software that works REALLY WELL! Here's what I found:

Working in Microsoft Wordpad and need to send a document in Word? Look up "Open Office". You can download an office suite where EVERYTHING is compatible with EVERYTHING. They have a Powerpoint-style slideshow creator, an excel-type spreadsheet and other great applications. Best of all, if you have a "Works" document and you need to send it in "Word" format, it will save your document in a Word compatible file.Now why couldn't Microsoft figure out how to do that??

Need to manipulate images? Take a look at "Irfanview". You can create photo-slideshows, add special effects, and for my purposes, resize regular 72 DPI images 9or any size for that mater) as publishable 300 DPI images, the kinds that printers always ask for! I've only used this today, but it seems to be a very easy and capable program!

Looking to kill some time? wht not visit the Museum of Unnatural Mystery? It' at www.unmuseum.org. Lot's of weird things to look at and discover, and unlike the supermarket tabloids you scan while waiting in the "express" line (is it mandatory for people who use this line not to bathe?) you end up feeling kind of smarter, in a Rod Serling sort of way.

Looking for a job? Go to www.indeed.ca. It's kind of a meta-job-search-engine that displays pretty much ALL posted jobs from multiple sites. Of course, you can personalize the search to your own parameters.

Www.madsci.org. Another cool timewaster, has a great recipe for making home-made slime among other cool experiments. Surprise your friends at work, or plan for that extra-special stocking-stuffer. The way science SHOULD be. Mad.

SO....if you have a lot of time on your hands you can EASILY fill it with creative and nutty exercises from there great sites-check 'em out!

Nerd Thoughts-on being a Nerd

I found out I was a "nerd" several years ago. A friend from high school (who has since married one of my nerd friends) admitted that she always considered my little group a bunch of "nerds". Now of course, we were shocked and awed by this. Being nerds, one never actually thinks they are a nerd. Why we were on the yearbook committee! Sold oranges to support the band! Avoided athletics! And most of all, quoted Star Trek and Monty Python endlessly and accurately. (Yeah, I know, it sounds like a cheap old stereotype, but stereotypes exist because they include a great deal of truth. Don't believe me? Go visit your employer's IT department on some pretext. I guarantee you'll see little plastic R2D2's and 6-packs of pudding cups everywhere).

What makes a Nerd? Well, if you've ever wondered if Vulcans can knock themselves out with their own nerve pinch, AND considered it a pretty cool skill to have, you're probably a bit nerdish.

You may hear the word "nerd" spoken where it clearly wasn't. AGF and I were watching an old rerun of The Rockford Files (Jim Rockford being definitely not a nerd) when there was a scene with Jim (I'm sure I can call him that, we're old buds) talking to a client who was taken to the hospital. The man groaned and when Jim asked him what happened I was SURE he said "I was hit on by a pack of nerds". Sure, probably not the original dialogue, but it sure sparked up a fairly routine episode.

Actually I kind of like my nerdish status. "Popularity" has too high a price for my tastes.

On the plus side....LOTS of time to do things now

Well I've just had a life experience that millions of other people have had, but one which I have never experienced until now. I was laid off on Thursday.

Now in the indusry I was in, it was always possible that my job would disappear, and in the last little while, it became more and more obvious that something was going to happen. When the training guy doesn't have anyone to train for months, and it doesn't look like there would be for many MORE months, well the writing was on the wall. To be fair, my ex-company was very good to me, and I'm on no financial distress now or for the next several months at least. However, it did present me with the following insights.

1-my house is REALLY dusty. Having the time to actually look in corners, behind televisions and under sofas made me realize I've bee a bit derelict in my cleaning duties. Now I'll finally have time to test that Shamwow.

2-I'll be able to go bowling on a weeknight. Usually weeknights have been reserved for mundane maintenance duties like laundry, grocery shopping and shovelling snow/ cutting grass, depending on the season. Now I'll be able to wear those supernaturally comfy rent-a-shoes whenever I want. BTW, did you ever look at the word "weeknight" and read it as "wee knight"?

3-I'm surprisingly unperturbed. A lot of this has to do with the generous settlement my ex-employer has given me, but right now I'm pretty relaxed about the whole thing. Someone, somewhere apparently said that everyone has three or four careers in their lifetime. Looks like I'm in for my next one-what will it be??? Male model? Lunatic reclusive candy maker? Shamwow salesman? It's like the entire universe is suddenly my oyster, and I'm the irritating bit of sand that will make me a pearl!

4-If I want, I can sit in my PJ's and eat macaroini and cheese all day long.

5-telling your friends and family is the worst part of the entire experience. Having to repeat bad news several times is like living through it all over again. I think it's especially hard on the last person to be told. While they're coming to grips with the shock of the news, you're already onto blase. I think we all need a loud-mouthed schnook in our lives who will happily spread bad news for you.

Anyway, that's what's new this week. Now I'll have plenty of time to do more blogging :)

Confusion...or correction??

Ever notice how easy it is to mistake or transpose words you've heard or read? I'm becoming convinced that our minds are actually correcting the mundane and blase, and making the world as entertaining as it really should be. Here's a few smidgens from the last day or two.

I was listening to Steve Miller singing "Jet Airliner" on the oldies station in the car. For some reason I was singing "sweet old jet airliner", and I think I like that version better. AGF (awesome girl friend) told me about a co-worker of hers that has been singing "it's a family of bears" to the song "It's a family affair". Now THAT is infinitely better than the original.

Today I went to a friend's used bookstore (Zed Books-if you're in Winnipeg, check them out!!). I bought a copy of Rita Mae Brown'd mystery "Catch as Cat Can", which she "co-authors" with her cat, "Sneaky Pie Brown". When my friend checked through the book he said "I though this said "Sneaky Brown Pete". Again, a MUCH BETTER NAME.

In my office at work I have a copy of a 1950's-era wrestling poster, featuring a match with someone named "Dirty Dick Swailes". As if that name wasn't goodenough, a co-worker caught a glance at the poster and said "I thought his name was Dirty Dick Sweaty Balls". Easily, the BEST WRESTLING NAME EVER!!!!.

Mistakes? Or raw, unexpurgated creativity???

Thoughts on Mo-Town

Last week I returned from a two-week business trip to Detroit, Mighigan. The motor city's economic woes have been well documented over recent years, and they are still evident in parts of their downtown, where you can see 30 storey buildings boarded up from top to bottom, and struggle to find a retail outlet larger than a pharmacy. Instead of belabor the obvious, I thought I'd share some good points about my visit to Mo-Town.

Greektown-I ate here on a number of nights, and the food and service in every restaurant was great. I especially liked some of the older places, where you can still still on a wooden chair at a wooden table covered with a red-checkered tablecloths, or sit in a booth. One place had the best deep-dish pizza i think I've ever eaten.

The Detroit Red Wings- I was able to see a Wings/LA Kings game on my visit. The Joe Louis Arena (or the "Joe" as people call it) is an older place designed as one large bowl, rather than in a series of decks. Every sight line is great and they served the world's best beer, Lienenkeugal (sorry about the spelling), shipped in from Wisconsin. They even played Stompin' Tom Connor's anthem "The Good Old Hockey Game" at the start. Lots of tradition, great beer and a free water bottle.

Windsor Ontario. OK, so Windsor isn't officially part of Detroit, it's south, across the river. It was nice to see the skyline of Windsor, and from my hotel room, I was able to see part of Caesars hotel and casino between the towers of the GM headquarters in the Rennaissance Center. Unfortunately, all I could see were huge red letters spelling "SARS", but hey, it was a nice view.

Great popcorn-one night I went to see "Sherlock Holmes" in one of the Rennaissance Center movie theaters. I have to admit, their popcorn was probbaly among the best I've tasted, and I think they used real butter.

Folks=the people I met were generally nice. At the place I usually had breakfast (Anton's breakfast and lunch), I was usually addressed as "honey" by the lady taking my order. For a city with a reputation for violence, the people I met were quite nice.

In a way I kind of feel bad for Detroit. they are struggling with rebuilding their downtown, like a number of cities in North America. Unfortunately, they are facing the old chicken/ egg conundrum of which should come first, the people, or the shops and services to attract the people. Here's hoping the people of that city can turn their fortunes around

Ruminations on Grey Cup 2009

Yesterday was the Grey Cup, the Canadian Football League championship game, wherein the Montreal Alouettes defeated the Saskatchewan Roughriders 28-27 on a field goal with zero time left on the clock. A thriller for some, a crushing disappointment for others, but for the CFL, another great showcase for the funnest football league on the planet. Here are some thoughs about what I saw before, during and after the game.

1-I hate to say this, but the game looked kind of "cheap" to me. I'm not talking about the game itself or the play of the teams, I'm talking about the way the game was presented. The player introductions are usually done with a lot of hooplah; fireworks, smoke, coloured lights, explosions, screaming cheerleaders and fans, and possibly stampeding moose. This year there seems to be 12 guys waving flags at the players as they ran into the field. The flags weren't even in the team colours. The half-time show, featuring a song or two by Blue Rodeo, had the puniest crowd of "fans" I've ever seen. It looked they asked the grounds crew and some passing lumberjacks to pause briefly in front of the stage and occasionally shake their arms in random directions. The presentation of the Grey Cup itself took forever. By the time the mounties carried the trophy onto the field, all the sober fans were gone, leaving a few dazed Stampeder fans who were still wondering where their team was, and are the playoffs about to begin? I know we live in a PC universe, but couldn't they actually get a pair of mounties the same size to carry the d*** Cup?? One looked like Marcia Wallace in a mountie costume, and the other seems to have a two-by-four up the yin yang. Other than that, it was a fine game.

2-I really love the fact that we have ONE Grey Cup, not newly minted trophies to collect and trade, as the Super Bowl does. Would anyone care how many times a Super Bowl trophy was broken by the players that won it? Would a Super Bowl trophy be left behind in a strip club? Has a Super Bowl trophy ever been held for ransom? I rest my case.

3-Every CFL season, there are a number of loud-mouthed, obnoxious "fans" in Canada who can't seem to tolerate the fact that large numbers of Canadians still like to watch CFL football. They usually surface at Grey Cup time, and can't wait to tell anyone who's listening that CFL fans must be the dumbest of brush-apes to even consider watching the CFL, a league, they say, is full of undersized NFL cast-offs and poorly trained Canadians. They mock the "small salaries" and "small stadiums", and generally try to puff themselves up as being somehow mentally superior to favor the NFL product. Well folks, you can watch whatever you want. The NFL IS a good product for people who like that brand of football, and their players are amazing atheletes. But let's be real here for a minute-we're talking about professional football.....grown men playing a game for our entertainment!!! I personally take satisfaction in the fact that a single CFL players' average salary is in-line with their medium-to-well paid fans, not the operating budget for an entire teaching staff of a middle-sized school, or the development budget for several 3rd world villages. I like the fact that we used to (and hopefully will again soon) had two teams named "Rough Riders". And I love the fact that's it's ours. If you can't at least respect something you've inherited from your fathers and grandfathers, you're probably the type of person who boos their own kids at a hockey game. Get a life and shut up.