Thursday, March 26, 2009
Ultimate Uncool songs Part1
Well, I wrote about the top ten songs I felt were always going to be considered "cool", no matter what your musical tastes are. Now I'm starting the list of songs so thoroughly uncool they will never be considered cool, even if Jimi Hendrix rises from the grave to perform it. There's only five right now because, well, the thought of these songs kind of drives me up the wall. Here goes:
Number 5-Que Sera Sera; Doris Day. Now I really don't have a problem with much of what Doris Day used to sing. She had a fantastic voice, and she certainly earned her spurs during years of singing with big bands, as a solo artist, and in trying to turn on Rock Hudson in assorted movies. This song, however, is one of those grating little earwigs of a song that slowly burrows into your head without you knowing it's happening. I think it turns from a mildly charming tune into a cloying mess when the tinkley chimes accompany Doris as she sings "now I have children of my own...". Apparently Doris herself didn't like this song, and was eternally disppointed that it became her "theme song". Sorry Doris...Que Sera Sera!
Number 4-Hot Diggity (Dog Diggity); Perry Como. Heres' another artist I have no general disagreement with. Perry had a nice, laid back voice, and wore some pretty "cool" (in an uncool way) sweaters, His song "Catch a Falling Star" is a pleasant, singable anthem that offends pretty much no-one. However, with "Hot diggity" Perry produced a "love song" that invokes images more closely related to an unsuccessful beer hall putsch than to feelings of tender affection. Throw in lyrics like "Never dreamed anybody could kiss thattaway, Bring me bliss thattaway, what a kiss thattaway" kind of makes me wonder what way Perry's talking about. Add the fact that it was used so successfully in an old Oscar Meyer hot dog commercial, and you have the ultimate "weenie" of a song.
Number 3-It's a Small World; Disney Wow. Here's a tune that expresses a kind and wonderful universal truth in a way that, rather than inspiring international brotherhood, just makes you want to hit your neighbor with a stick. It's a small world and a pretty small song, featuring that punchy chorus "its a small world after all its a small world after all its a small world after all its a small, small world" This is, of course, the theme to the one Disneyland/world/Euro ride that NOBODY actually wants to go on. Tickets please!!
Number 2- Sunshine Lollipops and Rainbows; Lesley Gore. Lesley Gore probably deserves her own wing of any uncool song museum. In addition to the ultimate pity party "It's My Party", and the bloody revenge song "It's Judy's turn to cry", Lesley brought us the song that is so perky and sugary it needs a warning label for diabetics. Of course, the lyrics continually remind the listener that "my life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows...thats how this refrain goes". Yes Lesley, we KNOW! Believe it or not, Lesley sang this little ditty on one of those teenage romance movies of the sixties (sorry I forget the title), but instead of groovin' at the beach, the teenagers (including Tommy Kirk!) were on a bus to a ski resort. Lesley got up wand warbled this sone to bring rockin' good times to the rest of the bus! As Lesley said: "So come on. Join In. Everybody". Resistance is futile.
And my Number 1 uncoolest song ever: Let the Sun Shine In: Pebbles & Bamm Bamm.. The Flintstones is one of those iconic cartoons that pretty much everyone growing up in North America has been exposed to since it's inception back in the sixties. Most people know it started as a prime time TV series, long before The Simpsons and assorted clones make prime time animation a fact of life. Like any series, the first few seasons were the best. Even though the animation was limited, the stories and gags were hilarious and the show was loaded with veteran voice talent. THEN the rot started to creep in, in the form of Fred and Wilma's "adorable" child Pebbles. Pebbles looked like a large fat Tinkerbell, and her primary roll was to coo and gurgle at Fred, and occasionally ruin his bowling night. Pebbles was soon joined by Bamm Bamm, a super strong foundling baby cared for be the Flintstone's neighbors, the Rubbles. Pebbles and Bamm Bamm had mercifully short screen time, except for one incredibly painful episode where, in an extended dream sequence, Fred dreams they become singing stars. Of course the song is "Let the Sun Shine In". Not the cool 5th Dimension song, but a smarmy little epic that reminds us "smilers never lose and frowners never win" to an irritating little diaper rash of a melody. To make the matters worse, the song is performed at least three times, with Pebbles blowing kisses to her fans!! To this soiled diaper of a song I say "congratulations" on being the uncolest song ever!