Thoughts from a Halloween Werewolf

If you've read this blog before, it will come as no surprise that I love Halloween. As a kid, being able to spend weeks planning and making your costume, finally leading up to the night when you could go trick-or-treating, was second in delicious joy only to waiting for Christmas morning to come around. This was in the days before "politically correct" Halloweens, where kids are encouraged to dress up as socially positive role models like Montessori teachers or gender-neutral eco-facilitators. No, these were the days when boys wanted to dress in as violent and horrifying ways as they could on a budget of whatever could be begged or borrowed from one's parents. In those times, kids had to learn to balance the costume desires of "Mom" ("...but you'd look so cute dressed as a gingerbread bunny") and "Dad" ("...it costs what???? Forget it, here's my old hat, go as a hobo").

Now usually, a kid caught between these sorts of extreme views would end up in some sort of embarassing compromise that never really felt that satisfying. Getting sensible, inexpensive shoes instead of the cool black high-top runners with the picture of the jet on the little rubber circle sewn at the ankle, for example. But Halloween was such a magical time, that kids were usually able to buy or put together a costume that they actually thought was cool! Want to be a super-mad-doctor-pirate-vampire-eco-facilitator? At Halloween, it was possible!

Of course, that was then, and, as the proponents of linear time will insist, this is now. AGF (awesome girl-friend) and I love giving our Halloween candy and watching the assortment of costumes come to the door. This year, I decided to put a little more effort into dressing up my house, so in addition to hanging the rubber bat on the front door, I decided to put together a life-sized werewolf for my front yard. This was my first attempt to do something like this, and I have to admit, I kind of like the way it turned out. As you can see from the picture, his face was a pretty cool wolf-man mask I picked up at a yard sale this year, placed over one of those styrofoam wig-heads that I covered with fur. Note the ears, making him look a little like a were-bear...even cooler!

His eyes were little LED lights I snipped off fo two dollar-store book lights, and they were amazing. They were eye-shaped to begin with, and covering the mask's eye-holes with red tissue paper actually made them look like glowing red eyes! His body was an old plaid flannel shirt and jeans stuffed with newspaper. This wasn't as successful, as his contents tended to shift downwards, as is wont to happen to all of us, giving him a rather saggy gut and a flat derriere. Obviously, a Canadian were-wolf! He was kept upright with a broomstick running from his styrofoam neck, down the back of his pants into the ground. Once erect, my werewolf proved himself no match for the rigors of occasional gusts of wind, so his broomstick had to be supported by a metal pry-bar, also down the back of his pants, a towel, two rocks and a small log used by the cats as a scratching post. Once upright, his paws were attached to a pair of store-bought tombstones and viola, one Halloween werewolf was ready to go!

The werewolf proved to be a fun addition to Halloween, especially as the kids and their guardians weren't shy about offering comments. Here's a sample:

Older sister reassuring younger one, who is dressed as the pinkest fairy ever to wave a butterfly wand on our street: "that wolf won't hurt you". Awwwwwwww. Ok, there's a place for super-cute on Halloween!

A Mom: "I hope that doesn't move" Maybe next year, Mom!

Older guardian upon seeing the glowing red eyes: "Holy sh*t!". Gotta love that reaction!

Young boy dressed as a soldier (pointing his "rifle" at wolfie): "Brrr-rrr-rrr-rr-rrr-rrrr-at-att-att--tat" (gun sound)"Grrrrrahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!" (victory over werefolf cry) I'm glad that kid is fighting on our side!

And finally, two Boys: Younger one: "what's that what's that what's that?"
Older one: "It's DAD!"

A brave comment, son, considering Dad was standing right there with you! Then again, getting away with mischef has always been one of Halloween's greatest traditions. I'm glad that tradition is still alive.

Comic Ads

For me, as a kid, the enjoyment of reading comics was in perusing the ads at the back of the book. I never sent away for anything, and I certainly never new what "Grit" was or how on Earth anyone could sell it. What they did teach me was a healthy consumer skepticism that still serves me to this day. I should send away for my own submarine that fires a polaris missile! But wait, something in that picture doesn't look right....that's too small to be a real polaris missile!! Buy 500 toy soldiers in their own foot locker? Waitaminit... what would I do with a foot locker??? here's some of my faves (pictured)

Look Fellows!! The clarion call of of the "Grit kid", urging young entrepeneurs to win cool prizes like baseball gloves and polaris missiles if only, oh Lord if only, they could sell something called "Grit". I've never seena a copy of "Grit", though I have to admit I was occasionally tempted by the picture of the obviously prosperous and contemporary-looking chap in the photo. Unfortunately, my appetite to win pocket knives and bicyle lamps that looked like half-asleep eyes wasn't enough for me to send the coupon.

48" Talking Monster from Outer Space. I have to admit, the pricey $1.00 fee was certainly an obsticle to the purchase of this beast, but what really turned me off was the fact he had a prominant navel, which I felt no self-respecting space monster would ever display. That, plus what I later learned were called it's "jazz hands", soured the deal for me big time.

X-Ray Specs. Certainly the greatest invention of all time! I never bought these through the comics, but i did eventualy get a pair in a novelty shop years later. Who cares if their effective range was from your face to your hand (if you held your hand up to a high-intensity lamp), those hypno-spiral paper "lenses" makes wearing these the fashion coup of any social event or church function!

Monster-size monsters. For a buck a piece, another expensive prospect. These didn't talk, but their glow-in-the-dark feature was an almost irresistable hook. The Frankenstein monster looked intriguing, but that skeleton kept on truckin'! I always pictured him, strutting through my room like Mick Jagger, eyes glowing and "altertness lines" radiating from his skull, as if to say "I know what's going on...and I'm a skeleton!" Luckily for me, I never had the dollar to send away for skellie or his friends, or I would have learned he was only a poster, and unable to display the funkiness his ad promised. Sometimes consumer lessons are best learned from a distance.

Halloween Hijinx

Yesterday I was visiting the second-hand shop at the top of my street (the "Helping Hand") when I found this super-fun old Halloween mask/ costume kit. This one's a tiger, but I remember they had a huge variety of monsters, superheroes animals and princesses to choose from. This was before 95% of all Halloween costumes sported images of either liscenced TV characters or Kim Kardashian. You can't see the price tag, but it was originally $ 2.79 at K-mart (or maybe SS Kresge, which was either K-Mart's precursor or the name of the store's amphibious assult vehicle).

I always loved pawing through these costumes as a kid. As you can see, the "costume" was a rather cheaply-produced body suit made primarily of that plasticy tarpaulin material, which the makers reassured us was "fire retardant". I'm guessing this was third place behind "fire proof" (no way this sucka is going to burn) and "fire resistant" (we'll hold out as long as we can...remember the Alamo!). "Fire retardant" probably meant you had just enough time to wave your arms around and set some other kid on fire before disaster struck. Like I said, these costumes were fun!

On the front of ths costume there was a cool image reminding the home-owner what person or creature you were supposed to be, so they could exclaim "how cute!" or "oooh, scary" while you waited paintently for them to get over it and shell out some chocolate, man. I love this image-the tiger, though somewhat malformed, looks suitably ferocious with extra-long fangs, although he also looks like he painted his toe-nails for the occasion, making the costume suitable for either little boys or girls (this was in the time before gender roles were re-evaluated, folks).

The mask is typical of the time; really colorful plastic, with little eye- and mouth-holes to allow just enough air inside to avoid asphixiation, but not enough to avoid the inside of the mask heating up like a personal face-sauna. As a kid, you tried to avoid "de-masking" as long as you could, but inevitably, you needed to either wipe down or risk having sweat running into your shoes. I usually liked wearing my mask around the house for several days before Halloween, just to get into the character properly.

As a kid, it was always a toss-up whether I enjoyed Halloween or Christmas better. I eventually settled for Christmas, but in terms of defining what "dressing up" meant for a kid, Halloween had Christmas beat, hands-down. Then again, Christmas dinner wouldn't fit through that mask very well.

Remembering Scholastic Books

Anyone remember "Scholastic Books?" Once or twice a year, your teacher would take some time during your home room period to hand out one-page catalogue/ order forms from a company called "Scholastic Books". They usually had a pretty long list of inexpensive pocket books for kids, with topics usually in the science/ nature/ adventure story vein. I remember one called "Runner for the King", about some Inca kid sprinting over mountain tops with a knotted rope, which was the kingly message. I don't remember much about the message, or why the king needed his knots shared with such haste, but the cover looked kind of cool to me.

Being a kid whose mind was twisted by horror films, however, I was automatically drawn to either the ghost stories or anything that had a robot on the cover, Often I would buy the book just to look at the cool cover, and not bother with the contents (I would never admit this to my parents, as they thought they had a budding Einstein with a voracious appetite for literature. Actually I just had a voracious appetite for flashy covers. This would serve me well in later years to develop a completely indiscriminate attitude to selecting breakfast cereals and. later on, automobiles.)

I'd order books like the "Arrow Book of Ghost Stories", which promised a "shivery, quivery, just-scary-enough time!". I really should have been tipped off by the "...just-scary-enough" portion of the teaser, as the stories themselves tended to be pretty tame for my tastes (e,g, "Teeny-Tiny" by Joseph Jacobs. "Once upon a time there was a teeny-tiny woman who lived in a teeny-tiny house in a teeny-tiny village" Please, stop the shocks.)

Despite the somwhat vanilla nature of the books, I still enjoyed the process of researching, ordering and receiving the books, and even ended up reading some of them. I still have scholastic books in my house, and hope to finish reading "Teeny-tiny" once I have some time to get around to it. And a large pot of coffee.

Thoughts from the Summer Cabin

Well, AGF and I just came back from a weekend at out friend's cabin on the Bird River, near Lac du Bonnet. Cabin time is always different from "real" time, and usually much better. I have a ritual I like to perform at the start of these weekends. Once I pass the perimeter highway around the city, the watch comes off my wrist, and doesn't return until I am back within the perimeter. The result is a wonderful disorientation where I really have no idea "when" I am, outside of "when, in relation to when I last ate/ had a beer". This freedom of mind (aided, perhaps, by liberal dousings with recreational beverage) seems to lead to some wonderful spontaneous bursts of creativity. Here's what resulted this time:

1-The Best Video Game Ever. My friend's son was at the cabin, playing FIFA soccer on his X-Box for mutch of the weekend. After Canada won the World Cup (only on a video game!!) he switched to one of those first-person shooter games, where you see the barrel of the gun sticking out in the middle of the screen.

A much BETTER idea is to have a first-person doggie game. Instead of the gun, you see the nose of the pooch you are playing. The goal is to tip garbage cans, sniff crotches and vacuum up foodstuffs dropped on the floor. You have to avoid getting your nose scratched by cats, getting your hair clipped or wearing one of those plastic "lamp shade" collars. You ultimately win the game by sniffing the crotch of a member of the Royal family. Patent Pending.

2-An "app" for guys. "Cut the lawn". The goal is to cut your virtual lawn. This could be followed by "apps" like "trim the hedge", "paint the baseboards" and "get another beer from the fridge".

3-Horse-fly/ Black-fly collars. Much the the afore-mentioend plastic "doggie collars", cabineers can wear a repellant-doused plastic collar around their necks as they float in the lake/ river, to deter those annoying pests from buzzing your head. You could also fill the cone with recreational beverage. The added attraction is how appealing this will make thee wearer to the opposite sex. If you have a souse/ significant other, the answer is, of course, absolutely none.

There you have it. take off your watch and give it a try some time. Just remember, I OWN the doggie-game idea.

Eternal Beauty at Monster Bash

Ok, this is a follow-up to my previous blog about Monster Bash 2011. I believe I mentioned the "Hammer Girls", actresses Caroline Munro, Veronica Carlson and Yvonne Monlaur, who were guests at the Bash and who happily participated in the Saturday night "live Theatre" by Zach Zito. After the show, the Hammer Girls were kind enough to pose with a life-sized figure of Christopher Lee as Dracula, giving the fans an opportunity to snap some souvenier photos.

What continues to strike me is the way this scene played out. All these ladies were former actresses and models. When they were asked to pose with ol' Chris Lee, these mature ladies immediately worked the cameras like the pros they are. Really, it was quite amazing to watch. One minute we were watching attractive mature women talking about their past careers, the next minute the years melted away, as three bombshells gave a lesson in real sexuality! I'm not talking about the crude sort of posing that is usually accompanied by brass polls and navel piercings, I'm talking about true inner beauty exploding out from the eyes, lips and hands of these stars.

Each Hammer Girl took a turn posing between the "arms" of Chris, as camera flashes strobed out of the hundred-plus assembled photographers. I can't help thinking this is what these ladies did constantly during the prime of their careers, and by jove, they've still got it!

So let's hear it for the Hammer Girls and all the other ladies out there who know where true beuty comes from, and better for us, how to show it off.

Monster Bash 2011

Well I just returned from the 2011 summer edition of Monster Bash, held in Butler PA. every year at the end of June. Monster Bash has become one of the most important events for me to attend each year for a number of reasons. Let's look at some of them.

1-Feel the love!! First and foremost, Monster Bash is where I belong. I'm a Monster Kid, one of the people who grew up in the time from the late 50's to the early 70's, when classic horror and science fiction films were shown each week on local TV, and Saturday matinees at the local movie house often kept kids entertained for hours with a line-up of cartoons and a features like King Kong Vs Godzilla. Monster kids read Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine and built Aurora plastic monster models. Sure, we dabbled in other forms of popular culture of the time....Batman, Gilligan's Island, the music of the Beatles and the Monkees, but our personal treasure was the monster scene. If we were lucky, we had some friends our own age we could share our love of classic monster with, but for the most part we were the kids who happily sat alone with our magazines, model kits and movies. Now we're "grown up", but like many people. we are spending our adulthood trying to re-claim trasures from our childhood. At Monster Bash, we're finally able to mix with our own kind of folks and share the greatest thing in our lives outside of our personal faith or relationships. In short, we've come "home" for the weekend.

2-Meet the Stars!! Ok, so maybe the guests aren't really considered "top flight" celebrities any more, but in our hearts they're still the people who thrilled and chilled us in the movies and TV shows we loved. This year we met people like Norma Eberhardt, who as a young woman acted in a little-known film called "The Return of Dracula". No, it wasn't the best film ever made, in fact it was so low budget the actors had to provide their own costumes. But Norma was there, she helped to create one of the glorious Black & White films we thrilled to as kids. Moere importantly, we had the chance to say "thank you" face-to-face. I like getting autographed pictures and posing for photographs, but to me, being able to offer that personal "thank you" is the highlight of meeting any celebrity.

3-Your Contribution is Appreciated!! While the Bash is run very professionally and tirelessly by Ron Adams and his crew, I never feel like an "outsider" or a "tourist" at these events. Monster Kids are very good at forgiving "imperfections" in other people, which comes in very handy when an attendee wants to share the products of their own personal creativity. I've seen attendee posters, graphics and even poetry shared at these events, with the best example of "community appreciation" being seen on saturday Nights at the "live Theater" events. These often feature an actor named Zach Zito, who performs scenes from Poe stories or other horror/ macabre writers. Zach is somehow able to memorize multiple pages of dialogue, which he acts out dramaticaly for the audience. This year, Zach was joined on-stage by Hammer horror vets Caroline Munro, Veronica Carlson and Yvonne Monlaur, three beautiful veterans of the horror scene. These ladies seemed to ganuinely enjoy taking small parts in Zach's performance, despite what "outsiders" (non-monster kids) may call a somewhat amateur quality to the presentation. Zach was charged with enthusiasm, the Hammer Girls were happy to be a part of the scene, and the attendees loved every minute of it.

4-Loot, and plenty of it!! OK, I love shopping at the Bash. The dealer room is overflowing with "stuff" I'd love to own. When I talk about "loot", however, I'm also talking abou the bonuses you don't expect. The costumed (!?!) monsters walking the halls; this year the Mummy, Frankie, Mr. Hyde and Nosferatu were happily lurking around. The Bash Boys band!! An hour-long set of the most enthusiastically rocking Top 40 from the 50's and 60's ever heard. Free Givaways! It seems like there's always free stuff to be had at the Bash. This year there werer the glow-in-the-dark frisbees with pictures of the chipmunk-like vamp from the 50's drive-in classic "Blood of Dracula", tossed to the crouwd at the end of the drive-in style showing of that movie.

If you like classic monster movies and you've never bene to Monster Bash, make plas to go there next year. Bring the kids. Wear your cape if you like. It's always a "graveyard smash" at Monster Bash