Remembering Scholastic Books

Anyone remember "Scholastic Books?" Once or twice a year, your teacher would take some time during your home room period to hand out one-page catalogue/ order forms from a company called "Scholastic Books". They usually had a pretty long list of inexpensive pocket books for kids, with topics usually in the science/ nature/ adventure story vein. I remember one called "Runner for the King", about some Inca kid sprinting over mountain tops with a knotted rope, which was the kingly message. I don't remember much about the message, or why the king needed his knots shared with such haste, but the cover looked kind of cool to me.

Being a kid whose mind was twisted by horror films, however, I was automatically drawn to either the ghost stories or anything that had a robot on the cover, Often I would buy the book just to look at the cool cover, and not bother with the contents (I would never admit this to my parents, as they thought they had a budding Einstein with a voracious appetite for literature. Actually I just had a voracious appetite for flashy covers. This would serve me well in later years to develop a completely indiscriminate attitude to selecting breakfast cereals and. later on, automobiles.)

I'd order books like the "Arrow Book of Ghost Stories", which promised a "shivery, quivery, just-scary-enough time!". I really should have been tipped off by the "...just-scary-enough" portion of the teaser, as the stories themselves tended to be pretty tame for my tastes (e,g, "Teeny-Tiny" by Joseph Jacobs. "Once upon a time there was a teeny-tiny woman who lived in a teeny-tiny house in a teeny-tiny village" Please, stop the shocks.)

Despite the somwhat vanilla nature of the books, I still enjoyed the process of researching, ordering and receiving the books, and even ended up reading some of them. I still have scholastic books in my house, and hope to finish reading "Teeny-tiny" once I have some time to get around to it. And a large pot of coffee.

Thoughts from the Summer Cabin

Well, AGF and I just came back from a weekend at out friend's cabin on the Bird River, near Lac du Bonnet. Cabin time is always different from "real" time, and usually much better. I have a ritual I like to perform at the start of these weekends. Once I pass the perimeter highway around the city, the watch comes off my wrist, and doesn't return until I am back within the perimeter. The result is a wonderful disorientation where I really have no idea "when" I am, outside of "when, in relation to when I last ate/ had a beer". This freedom of mind (aided, perhaps, by liberal dousings with recreational beverage) seems to lead to some wonderful spontaneous bursts of creativity. Here's what resulted this time:

1-The Best Video Game Ever. My friend's son was at the cabin, playing FIFA soccer on his X-Box for mutch of the weekend. After Canada won the World Cup (only on a video game!!) he switched to one of those first-person shooter games, where you see the barrel of the gun sticking out in the middle of the screen.

A much BETTER idea is to have a first-person doggie game. Instead of the gun, you see the nose of the pooch you are playing. The goal is to tip garbage cans, sniff crotches and vacuum up foodstuffs dropped on the floor. You have to avoid getting your nose scratched by cats, getting your hair clipped or wearing one of those plastic "lamp shade" collars. You ultimately win the game by sniffing the crotch of a member of the Royal family. Patent Pending.

2-An "app" for guys. "Cut the lawn". The goal is to cut your virtual lawn. This could be followed by "apps" like "trim the hedge", "paint the baseboards" and "get another beer from the fridge".

3-Horse-fly/ Black-fly collars. Much the the afore-mentioend plastic "doggie collars", cabineers can wear a repellant-doused plastic collar around their necks as they float in the lake/ river, to deter those annoying pests from buzzing your head. You could also fill the cone with recreational beverage. The added attraction is how appealing this will make thee wearer to the opposite sex. If you have a souse/ significant other, the answer is, of course, absolutely none.

There you have it. take off your watch and give it a try some time. Just remember, I OWN the doggie-game idea.

Eternal Beauty at Monster Bash

Ok, this is a follow-up to my previous blog about Monster Bash 2011. I believe I mentioned the "Hammer Girls", actresses Caroline Munro, Veronica Carlson and Yvonne Monlaur, who were guests at the Bash and who happily participated in the Saturday night "live Theatre" by Zach Zito. After the show, the Hammer Girls were kind enough to pose with a life-sized figure of Christopher Lee as Dracula, giving the fans an opportunity to snap some souvenier photos.

What continues to strike me is the way this scene played out. All these ladies were former actresses and models. When they were asked to pose with ol' Chris Lee, these mature ladies immediately worked the cameras like the pros they are. Really, it was quite amazing to watch. One minute we were watching attractive mature women talking about their past careers, the next minute the years melted away, as three bombshells gave a lesson in real sexuality! I'm not talking about the crude sort of posing that is usually accompanied by brass polls and navel piercings, I'm talking about true inner beauty exploding out from the eyes, lips and hands of these stars.

Each Hammer Girl took a turn posing between the "arms" of Chris, as camera flashes strobed out of the hundred-plus assembled photographers. I can't help thinking this is what these ladies did constantly during the prime of their careers, and by jove, they've still got it!

So let's hear it for the Hammer Girls and all the other ladies out there who know where true beuty comes from, and better for us, how to show it off.

Monster Bash 2011

Well I just returned from the 2011 summer edition of Monster Bash, held in Butler PA. every year at the end of June. Monster Bash has become one of the most important events for me to attend each year for a number of reasons. Let's look at some of them.

1-Feel the love!! First and foremost, Monster Bash is where I belong. I'm a Monster Kid, one of the people who grew up in the time from the late 50's to the early 70's, when classic horror and science fiction films were shown each week on local TV, and Saturday matinees at the local movie house often kept kids entertained for hours with a line-up of cartoons and a features like King Kong Vs Godzilla. Monster kids read Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine and built Aurora plastic monster models. Sure, we dabbled in other forms of popular culture of the time....Batman, Gilligan's Island, the music of the Beatles and the Monkees, but our personal treasure was the monster scene. If we were lucky, we had some friends our own age we could share our love of classic monster with, but for the most part we were the kids who happily sat alone with our magazines, model kits and movies. Now we're "grown up", but like many people. we are spending our adulthood trying to re-claim trasures from our childhood. At Monster Bash, we're finally able to mix with our own kind of folks and share the greatest thing in our lives outside of our personal faith or relationships. In short, we've come "home" for the weekend.

2-Meet the Stars!! Ok, so maybe the guests aren't really considered "top flight" celebrities any more, but in our hearts they're still the people who thrilled and chilled us in the movies and TV shows we loved. This year we met people like Norma Eberhardt, who as a young woman acted in a little-known film called "The Return of Dracula". No, it wasn't the best film ever made, in fact it was so low budget the actors had to provide their own costumes. But Norma was there, she helped to create one of the glorious Black & White films we thrilled to as kids. Moere importantly, we had the chance to say "thank you" face-to-face. I like getting autographed pictures and posing for photographs, but to me, being able to offer that personal "thank you" is the highlight of meeting any celebrity.

3-Your Contribution is Appreciated!! While the Bash is run very professionally and tirelessly by Ron Adams and his crew, I never feel like an "outsider" or a "tourist" at these events. Monster Kids are very good at forgiving "imperfections" in other people, which comes in very handy when an attendee wants to share the products of their own personal creativity. I've seen attendee posters, graphics and even poetry shared at these events, with the best example of "community appreciation" being seen on saturday Nights at the "live Theater" events. These often feature an actor named Zach Zito, who performs scenes from Poe stories or other horror/ macabre writers. Zach is somehow able to memorize multiple pages of dialogue, which he acts out dramaticaly for the audience. This year, Zach was joined on-stage by Hammer horror vets Caroline Munro, Veronica Carlson and Yvonne Monlaur, three beautiful veterans of the horror scene. These ladies seemed to ganuinely enjoy taking small parts in Zach's performance, despite what "outsiders" (non-monster kids) may call a somewhat amateur quality to the presentation. Zach was charged with enthusiasm, the Hammer Girls were happy to be a part of the scene, and the attendees loved every minute of it.

4-Loot, and plenty of it!! OK, I love shopping at the Bash. The dealer room is overflowing with "stuff" I'd love to own. When I talk about "loot", however, I'm also talking abou the bonuses you don't expect. The costumed (!?!) monsters walking the halls; this year the Mummy, Frankie, Mr. Hyde and Nosferatu were happily lurking around. The Bash Boys band!! An hour-long set of the most enthusiastically rocking Top 40 from the 50's and 60's ever heard. Free Givaways! It seems like there's always free stuff to be had at the Bash. This year there werer the glow-in-the-dark frisbees with pictures of the chipmunk-like vamp from the 50's drive-in classic "Blood of Dracula", tossed to the crouwd at the end of the drive-in style showing of that movie.

If you like classic monster movies and you've never bene to Monster Bash, make plas to go there next year. Bring the kids. Wear your cape if you like. It's always a "graveyard smash" at Monster Bash

Europe on $5 a day ?!?

Back in the 50's, in the years shortly after the end of WW2, North Americans were enticed to travel to Europe on the promise that it could be done as cheaply as $5.00 a day. This is when you had all those movies like Roman Holiday, where it was suggested a romance with Audrey Hepburn was possible as long as you travelled to Europe and looked like Gregory Peck. Now, I'm not sure how many people were able to do that, but a lot of people did have the chance to see a lot of Europe on relatively little money, including my own dear Mom in her pre-married-to-Dad days (a.k.a her "young hottie" days)

The other day we were looking through her album from that 5 month (wow!!) trip from small, provincial Winnipeg to big, bold Europe and had the chance to re-live some of those times. Here's some highlights and observattions!

-It took Mom seven days to cross the Atlantic on the CP ship Empress of France to get to Europe, and eight days to return. On the way, she played "quoits" and deck tennis, wagered on "horse races", read the on-board newspaper, watched first-run movies in the theatre, read, relaxed, and had the chance to eat up to eight times a day. Sigh. Things have certainly "improved" through air travel :(

-Mom actually saw Laurence Olivier and Vivien Leigh live on-stage in something called "The Sleeping Prince" in London. It was described as "an occasional fairly tale" and starred Olivier as "The Regent" and Leigh as "Mary". It was also directed by Olivier. Too cool!

-Ever have Fettucinne Alfredo? Mom actually met Alfredo! She and her tour group ate at his restaurant, were served personally by Alfredo di Lelio himself, with his set of golden fork and spoon, and still has a recipe signed by Alfredo. Best meal ever!

-Remember those great stickers you always saw stuck on the sides of suitcases on old movies? Mom saved hers, and had a bunch of them in her album! I've included just a few of them here, but they're all gorgeous. Look at the colours on the Hotel Victoria stickers. You just don't see that any more. The Hotel Cavour sticker had advertising on the back of it, which promised the traveller "The almost in comfort and convenience". Priceless!

-A drink menu/ flyer from the "Cortijo EL GUAJIRO" lists entrance to the floor show and first drink at 40 pesetas, second drink at 25 pesetas (unless you at the bar, where the second drink was 20 pesetas). Shows started at 10:45 p.m. and went to 2:45 a.m.(two of them being a "gypsy parties"). The incredible shrinking drink prices must have been a challenge to the hosts, as there was also a note telling the reader to "insist on the bill before leaving".

I hate to think what we've lost from these more elegant days of travel, when you could expect a leisurely ocean cruise, amazing food, drink and entertainment, and wonderful sights and sounds amongst a less-threatening atmosphere than today. I missed it, but I'm glad my Mom was able to be a part of it.

Way to go, young hottie!

Wacky Packages!!

Anyone remember "Wacky Packages?" They were a set of stickers that came with a stick of gum in a collector-card sized package. The hook was the sticker themselves. Each one (and I think there were about 3-4 per package?)was a parody of a current product, like those pictured here (e.g. Chef Girl-ar-dee, the "Feminist" pasta!)

The Wacky Packages had very good art, and were sold by the Topps Chewing Gum company. Along with those pictured here, they had "Lox Scented Soap" (active ingredient seaweed and seawater)"Badzooka Guggle Bum", "Kick-a-man Boy Sauce" (gives kids super power!), "Stove Glop" (15 minutes stuffing mess) and "Land O Quakes" (butter churned by earthquakes), among hundreds of others!

Overall the wacky packages had kind of a Mad Magazine feel to them. The pictures and captions themselves were often extreme and on the edge of bad taste (e.g. "Czechlets-overcoated tiny humans!!"), which made them hugely popular with young boys wanting to decorate their school supplies in their first taste of rebellion! I think they actually got into some legal trouble with a number of the products they were sending up.

Recently my brother and I found a stash of 72 of these stickers, with very few duplicates! Thanks to finding this hoard of trasure, I can again relive those heady days of tasteless stickers on my school binder.

Dollar Store Treasures!!

This afternoon AGF (awesome girlfriend) and I went on an expedition to one of our favorite stores of all time, United Unlimited. If you've never been there, imagine a warehouse snugly ensconced beneath a picturesque railyard overpass, stocked to the rafters with treasures past and present! Need a Roman helmet? Furry handcuffs? Spice World trading cards? United Unlimited has it all!!

Today, as AGF stocked up on stickers, beads and stuff for her crafts, I happily came across the item pictured here...a concept that blew me away with it's brilliance....yes, a handy bag of... 8 SPARE BODY PARTS!

Look at how joyful the little lad on the top of the package looks, wearing his turquoise replacement nose, after probably losing his own in a tragic spirograph accident. And that's not all! My grab-bag came fully equipped with two left ears (for the artist in all of us), the pictured turquoise nose, a turquoise finger (useful for speaking in traffic, I'm sure), and not one or two, but four extra mouths!!

Now I'm not sure if the mouths are supposed to be seperate upper and lower lips or a matched set, in which case they represent merely two complete mouths. In either case, for a dollar plus tax, I have to rate this as one of the wiser purchases I have ever made!

In today's dangerous world, One can never be too careful. Up until today I had to fret over the very real threat of losing one or both lips, or even lose my left ear twice. Not any more...THANK YOU United Unlimited....for being there!!