Urgently needed new Government service

Ok, I know some people hate the thought of "big government" out there. I've heard frequent condemnations of the "nanny state" and the fact that government services, as they stand, can't be maintained. But here's ONE service I'm sure we can all agree to.

"Name That Tune"- a service from the federal government. How many times have you had a tune stuck in your head and were unable to remember what it was called? We DESPERATELY need a government-funded service that allows us distressed citizens to call in and hum the offending tune. Efficient civil servants would quickly and cheerfully identify the music, putting our minds at ease and halting the drain on the resources of our mental health facilities.

How could it go wrong? Think of the great service we ALREADY get when we call a government office. The speed! the friendliness! The accuracy!

hmmm.......maybe I should just hum it to you. Hmmm HMMMMMMMMM hmm hm HMMM hmmmmmm....

Pollocks Hardware-best hardware store ever!

Usually there's not too much to get excited about going to a hardware store....unless it's Pollock's Hardware in good old Winnipeg.

Pollocks has been around for decades. It was always the kind of place where you could buy interesting quantities of "stuff"; like three nails if that's all you needed, or test your TV set vacuum tubes. For a while it was closed down, as it's original owners retired. Recently, however, it's re-opened as Pollock's Hardware Co-op, in which I am proud to say I am a member.

As you see from the pictures, Pollocks is still a place where you can buy most everything. Need a cast-iron fry pan, wash-board or glass bubble to a coffee percolator? Go to Pollocks. Need a genuine Radio Flyer wagon or a balsa-wood glider? Pollocks! Need three nails? Obviously, don't look anywhere else.

I know there's a real nostalgia element to my fondness for the place, but I also can't help but admire a place that just doesn't want to throw things out. Sometimes keeping a piece of the past because it makes you feel good to have it around is all the reason you need for holding on to those freakishly-smiling MacGregor Socks displays. Hey, where else can you find "stuff", other than Pollocks??

Ottawa Team Names

Sometime in the next couple of years, Ottawa is supposed to again have a CFL franchise. I'm delighted by this, partially for the football fans in Ottawa, and partially for the league, which I have always felt needed to have 10 teams to be truly representative of the country. Ottawa will just bring it back to nine, but it looks like Halifax may round it out one day.

As for the Ottawa team name, I'm partial to their original name, the Rough Riders. Oh, I know the Saskatchewan fans feel they have dibs on that name, but hey, it's not the REAL CFL without two teams named "Rough Riders" (or "Roughriders", for those of the green persuasion). Since this, unfortunately, won't be possible due to the "world's greatest fans" getting all snotty about it, here are a few alternate ideas for the new Ottawa Football Club.

1-"The Ottawa-Gatineau Oh-Geez". This one ties in the region's multicultural status with the inevitable fan response as they watch their team try to grow from scratch. "Oh Geez, they dropped the ball again. Oh Geez why didn't they tackle that guy?"

2-"The Ottawa Elevens" or "The Ottawa Twelves" (depending on when the franchise starts, 2011 or 2012). One of the new owners already runs a minor league hockey team called the "67s", named after Canada's official first year as a country, 67 A.D.

3-"The Ottawa Ottawas". Sure, I just copied this from the original name of the Blue Bomber football club, when they were known by the incredibly imaginative name the "Winnipegs". Their cheerleaders could be called the "Lady Ottawas".

4-"The Ottawa Rainbow Narwhals". This has nothing to do with Ottawa, I just like the sound of it. Try to imagine the iniform, then see if you can get to sleep tonight.

I'm sure the owners in Ottawa have something they feel is regionally representative and cool enough to promote jersey sales. I'm just hoping it's not just a verb like the "Ottawa Thrash" or a landmark like the "Ottawa Provincial Trunk Highway 417".

Go Rainbow Narwhals!

My second film!! Check it out!

We just finished and posted our second film-"Billy the Kid meets the Vampire Dinosaur"-it's on YouTube at this addy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjqZKrfsRM4

Check it out!!

Mission to Mars-my first film

Here's a link to my first-ever attampt to make a cheezy 50's sci-fi film. It was strung together with random memories of half-a-dozen actual films, including Rocketship XM and Missile to the Moon. AGF supplied the voice of all the women, and I popped the corn for the meteor storm. Here we go and please remember...it's supposed to look cheezy!

Here's that link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcyBasVFMlQ

Rediscovered! Elmer the Safety Elephant!

I just returned from a trip to one of my favorite stores of all time, "United Unlimited", the "King Solomon's Mine" of the surplus, off-price, factory second and just plain bizzare. Want some of those "Spice World" or "Backstreet Boys" trading cards? Looking for a set of furry handcuffs? Need ten bras but only have a dollar? "United Unlimited" is the place for you!

Today I was lucky enough to find two vintage school workbooks (the "Mammoth Practice Book"...only 10 cents!!), and on the back I found an old friend...Elmer the Safety Elephant. To those too young to remember, Elmer was a perky little elephant with a "Lord Fauntleroy" collar and tie and, if that didn't make him "cool" enough to us school kids, displayed his name on a sailor cap on his head! To me he always looked like an image you'd find on a popcorn box, but I guess Elmer was capable of multi-tasking.

Elmer was found in every school, decorating walls with safety-first-type posters reminding us to "look both ways before crossing streets" and when there was no sidewalk (a real problem in those days) to walk on the left-hand side....FACING traffic. I clearly remember this being stressed....FACE the TRAFFIC. A few wags suggested is was so you could see who was about to run you down, but those negative nellies didn't discourage the rest of us. The safety tips from the back of this work-book were typical of the art and tone of those posters. I especially like # 2-KEEP OUT from between parked cars. It looks like the poor bloke in the plaid cap is ignoring the threat of parking in front of an Edsel. I also like #4-Play games in SAFE places away from traffic. It kind of looks like this SAFE place is in front of a plate-glass window, but at least it was away from traffic.

I remember that schools who demonstrated excellence in traffic safety were awarded by flying Elmer's flag above it, the safety elephant himself looking down joyfully at all the kiddies WALKING when they left curbs, and riding their bikes SAFELY. I don't think our school ever got to fly Elmer's flag, but that's OK. If only he would have left us some popcorn.

ROAD TRIP! My odd-yssy to Monster Bash 2010

Well another Monster Bash has come and gone. In case you hadn't heard of it, Monster Bash is an annual classic Horror/Science Fiction movie convention that takes place in Bulter Pennsylvania each year. This was my fourth year attending but my first a) with my brother and b) driving there and back again. Here are just a few thoughts and observations of the trip:

Day 1-Minneapolis-perhaps appropriately, there is a thick fog on the highway for the first 45 minutes out of town, and not just in our heads. There was a classic late 40's-early 50's Mercury pick-up truck parked on my street when I left. I took this to be a good omen, as it lokked just like the truck used by the linemen in "It Came From Outer Space", just before they are absorbed by the one-eyed alien. Did I say a good sign?

The trip itself was uneventful, but there were delays around Minneapolis due to construction on their speedways, er , freeways. The motel was Ok, but the staff was surley and the phone in the room didn't work. I won't rat them out by saying their name, needless to say it is a motel chain numbered somewhere between 5 and 7.

Day 1-Chicago-I like to call this "hell day". Actually it was more like "hell afternoon" as the morning was quite nice. Drove through Wisconsin, a refugium for cheese and fireworks stores (we actually used this as an exclamation..."cheese and fireworks!!"...we hope it will catch on better than "gee whiz"). Also plently of big-box porn stores along the highway. Played "what's that smell" several times. The cow, pictured above, was from a cheese store in said state. I love Wisconsin.

Afternoon, approached the Chicago freeway system with well-deserved dread. It seems like construction and detours are the name of the game this year, and we wound up getting lost TWICE before we actually reached our motel. Saw endless signs for "Krazy Klein" the firework king, offering "buy one get SIX free"! The sign directing us to our motel was about 4 feet high and approxmately the size of a shoe box (again, the motel chain number between 5 and 7). The TV in the room didn't work, the staff was again surley, and we were caught in a torrential downpour after walking next-door to have dinner. After we reached our TV-less room, the power went off briefly, leaving us laughing a lot like Lionel Atwill in one of the movies we love to watch.

Day 3-back-tracked through a toll-gate to get out of Chicago, but otherwise a nice smooth trip across Indiana and Ohio to get to Pennsylvania. Saw the best road name ever: Fangboner Road. I would LOVE to live on "Fangboner Road"

Day 4-5-6: MONTER BASH Always a great time, but the Bash seemed a little subdued this year. Got to meet Julie Adams from "Creature from the Black Lagoon" and Ann Robinson from "War of the Worlds". Watched the Mexican schlock classic "Little Read Riding Hood Meets the Monsters" and listened to UFO researcher Stan Gordon talk for what seemed like 6 hours on the "kecksburg" incident and how UFO's and Bigfoot (Bigfoots? Bigfeet?) seem to be related. Mused at the irony that EVRY ONE of his slides seemd to be blurry. Didn't sleep much, but had a great time!

Day 7-END RUN AROUND CHICAGO-we REALLY didn't want to be trapped in Chicago and environs so we booted it across the border back into Wisconsin. Stayed at a larger-numbered motel chain (between 7 and 9) and watched public-access political opinion panels from Kenowsha (should smoking be banned in restaurants and bars? Didn't we go through this about 10 years ago?) Saw a sign for the greatest recreational facility in the world: the "Bong Recreational park". Oh yeah.

Day 8-END RUN AROUND MINNEAPOLIS-again, trying to avoid the freeway experience. I think I understand why some people go "postal" if they have to deal with that every day of their lives. Stayed in St. Cloud for the night, home of the St. Cloud River Bats (great logo, a baseball bat with little bat wings. I thought I could hear people singing " tra-lah-tra-lee-hocus pocus")

Day 9-home again home again. The border crossings were acually quite civilized going both ways. Driving at 60kph in the city felt like I was walking slowly. Home safe and ready for next year!